Light, Colour & Magic

Got up latish, got phone calls from the hospice people, Oldest Brother officially started hospice today and I had some decisions to make. I hope I chose well.

Showered and dressed, and we went out to run errands. Started by lunch at an Indian restaurant, got the lamb curry lunch special and a mango lassi.

Then we went to Trader Joes and did major shopping. Then we took the bus to Stop and Shop and did more major shopping.

mashfanficchick asked me to stay another night so we can start early tomorrow, and get the Very Last Boxes out of the house and to the storage unit with the driving help of zer friend Liz G. And I agreed, so I'm staying tonight.

Got back to zer place from Stop and Shop, stopping at Starbucks on the way, and heard from RK that he was available to help tonight getting stuff from the house that isn't going into the storage unit. We took his car over, and got the stuff back here. One big box broke open on it's way in, but RK picked it up.

Then we went out to California Pizza Kitchen and got take out. I got the Wild Mushroom pizza. WE went to RK's place, and after we ate we played a game of Dominion. RK won, I lost rather badly, but I am beginning to understand how the game works.

Then he drove us back here, and soon it will be bed time.

Gratitude List:

1. The FWiB, even though we didn't get to Skype.

2. Oldest Brother in hospice care.

3. Dried apple slices.

4. The Kid has a job interview.

5. RK.

6. Friends.

Got up and went to my Al-anon meeting by bus after having breakfast and coffee, and showering. The meeting was smaller than usual but good. I chaired again.

Got a ride to the diner and had a bagel with cream cheese and lox, and iced coffee. Got a ride home from L, very nice.

Got here in time to see the last two seconds of the credits of the Starsky and Hutch episode. Oh well. Had fun at the chat, though. I put in a Shipt order while we were chatting,

We chatted til about 5:30. Then I killed time puttering on the computer, until 7:00 when I Skyped the FWiB. We talked til 8:30.

mashfanficchick texted right when we got off and we discussed tomorrow. I'm going to go see Oldest Brother, then decide if I'm going over to zer or not.

After that I got something for dinner, and went into the bedroom to play solitaire.

Did that til pet feeding time, then I fed the pets and here I am.

Gratitude List:

1. The FWiB.

2. My meetings and the people there.

3. Beautiful weather.

4. The Starsky and Hutch fandom.

5. Relaxing day.

6. Shipt.

But I got up at 10:00 anyway and ate breakfast and had coffee and showered and dressed, and then went to see Oldest Brother. It was a good vist. I stayed a little more than a half hour.

AS I was leaving the nursing home I got a call from the hospice person. There may be a glitch, the hospice only covers the cost of the PEG feeding if it's related to the diagnosis. They are reviewing his medical stuff and will let me know.

After that I went to mashfanficchick's place and called the Kid about it. She says not to worry about it until it's actually denied.

mashfanficchick and I went out to dinner at Bareburger. We walked there and took the bus back. Dinner was delicious.

When we got here I Skyped the FWiB on my phone and we talked til 8:00 when we watched 911 followed by Dr. Odyssey. 911 was... traumatic. No spoilers though.

I called Middle Brother. He is doing well, went out to a game arcade on Monday.

After that we watched a couple of episodes of Will Trent.

Cousin Sue Facebook messaged me. She and Danny are coming tomorrow to see Oldest Brother, and we will have dinner with them. I texted the Kid, and when she didn't respond I called, to let her know. She is busy tomorrow but I hope that she and her boyfriend will have tome to join us.

That's about all. Getting ready for bed now. Obviously I'm saying over again.

Gratitude List:

1. The FWiB.

2. Good TV, even when it's sad.

3. Oldest Brother is doing OK.

4. Also got a text from Eva R asking how we were doing.

5. Yummy dinner.

6. Middle Brother is doing OK.

Since I didn't know when Linda and Steve were coming today, I got up at 9:00 in order to have time to get ready. I texted Linda and she said they would be in in three hours.

I breakfasted and showered and dressed. I got phone calls from the nursing home about hospice, and called the hospice person. I got a call from Middle Brother's group home that I needed to sign his life plan document, so she emailed that to me and I printed it, signed it, took a picture of it and sent it to myself, saved it to the computer and renamed it, and emailed it back. By the time I did that, the cousins were almost here.

They arrived a little before 12:00, I called mashfanficchick and told zer. We decided to eat lunch first so I took them to the diner, and ze met us there. It was very nice.

Then we went to the nursing home. Oldest Brother is in a different unit, semi-private, one room mate. He was happy to see us. mashfanficchick said hello, and then left. We stayed for a little less than two hours.

They drove me home. The Kid called, and I talked to her for a good while. She is very sad about Oldest Brother. Then I went and lay down and played solitaire for awhile, then came out and puttered on the computer until 7:00 when I Skyped the FWiB. We talked til 8:00 when I went to my D&D game.

The game was very fun. We explored the sunken part of the dungeon, and fought aquatic monsters called skum.

Then I fed the pets, and had a bit to eat.

BTW, this morning the turtle laid eggs again, at least two. I actually saw her lay one of them.

Gratitude List:

1. The FWiB.

2. My cousins.

3. The Kid.

4. mashfanficchick

5. My D&D group.

6. Oldest Brother is comfortable.

Got up early and ate breakfast and showered and dressed, and went over to mashfanficchick's mother's house and we worked. The movers came for the second time at 4:00. WE packed stuff, and got everything done.

Tomorrow I will not be there because the cleaning crew will be, and that sort of thing is the stuff of nightmares for me. They will empty the house entirely and trash everything there that we didn't take.

I heard from the hospital, Oldest Brother will be discharged and sent back to the nursing home tomorrow. I wish he was staying in the hospital but he's stable, so... back he goes. The nursing home will probably send him to hospice though.

After the movers took the load to the storage unit, we took the bus and subway back, and went back to the house for some last things. Zer father said to go out to dinner somewhere nice on him, and we invited RK to join too. We chose The Cheesecake factory.

RK came and picked us up, and we went first to CVS for mashfanficchick to get some things. Then we briefly went back to the house to let RK symbolically "mow it with fire", which he has said he wanted to do for about 20 years. We enjoyed that, then we went to the restaurant.

We had a good time and it was delicious. I had a peach Bellini to drink.

Then RK drove me home and here I am.

Gratitude List:

1. The FWiB.

2. The house is done.

3. Oldest Brother is stable.

4. Good dinner.

5. My friends.

6. Bed soon.

Started by getting up at 10:00, expecting to hear from my therapist. She did call, a bit before 11 and I told her everything that was going on.

Then I had coffee, and showered, and mashfanficchick ordered food to be delivered to zer mother's house, and we left for there. It was raining a little.

Cousin Linda had texted me yesterday asking me to call her so I did, and when we eventually got to talk, she wants to come visit Oldest Brother, along with Cousin Steve. I said I would ask Oldest Brother if that was something he would like. She also filled me in on the family doings. Rick and Martha are expecting another baby, and Erika is getting married.

I also called middle Brother's group home twice, and there was no answer either time. Very odd, i hope the phone isn't out of order, which has happened before.

Anyway, after the food was delivered and we ate, we worked in the house. RK brought over some packing stuff mashfanficchick ordered from U-Haul. He stayed for awhile.

We left at 5:00 because I was supposed to meet the Kid and her boyfriend at the hospital at 6:00. I got there a little after 6"00 and they were still on the way.

Oldest Brother has been moved to the hospice unit. It is very peaceful, and the room is very nice, with a couch and a chair. He was about the same as he's been. The Kid and her boyfriend arrived somewhat after 7:00, and we had a lovely visit, really. The visiting hours seem to be different, they didn't make the announcement that they were over til 9:00. We stayed til the end, and sang Happy Birthday. He seemed to enjoy our visit.

They Ubered home, I took the bus. I got here in time to Skype the FWiB. Then I fed the pets and made dinner, and then called Linda back.

And now mashfanficchick is calling about plans for tomorrow.

Anyway, one other sad thing, my friend Lynn S, the one Chris and I went to visit last fall, died last night from the pancreatic cancer. The same thing Oldest Brother has. I emailed Chris to let him know. I knew Lynn wasn't doing well but I didn't think it would be this fast.

Gratitude List:

1. The FWiB.

2. Linda and the rest of the family.

3. Smoked salmon crepe for lunch.

4. Oldest Brother seemed to enjoy himself.

5. mashfanficchick

6. The Kid.

I was very tired last night and slept late this morning. I got woken up by a call from the hospital. They have decided that Oldest Brother can't have a biopsy because his condition is too poor. But they found malignant cells in the fluid they removed from his abdomen. So they figure he has pancreatic cancer.

They don't think that in his condition he could stand chemotherapy. So there's nothing to be done but palliative care. They are going to keep him comfortable, either in the hospital or the nursing home or hospice, but its a matter of weeks or months at best.

I have talked to the Kid, she convinced me that I had to tell him, that if he understood what I was saying, he deserved to know, and if he didn't understand, no problem. So I ewnt to the hospital and talked to him, I don't know how much he understood.

Then I came over to mashfanficchick's and she called Dani and told her, we are still going to take our trip to Ohio, just be ready to come back at a moments notice if it's necessary.

I called Cousin John and Denise and told them, and asked them to tell the rest of the family. So far I've heard from Linda and Laurie.

Then we watched Will Trent, and then 911 and then Dr. Odyssey, and then more Will Trent. I called Middle Brother but did not tell him yet. I am going to call his group home and talk to them about it tomorrow, then talk to him Sunday.

I don't know what else to say. I feel... bleak. I expected this but it's still a blow when it comes.

Even so I will write a Gratitude List:

1. The FWiB.

2. mashfanficchick

3. My family.

4. The Kid.

5. Middle Brother is fine.

6. TV taking my mind off things.